The Three-Strike Rule: A Simple Framework That Can Reduce Caregiving Stress
- Elder Love USA
- Mar 3
- 3 min read
There is a quiet moment many caregivers recognize.
You ask your loved one to get dressed. They pause. They look at the clothes.
Nothing happens.
You explain again.
Still nothing.
You feel the clock ticking. The day needs to start.
Appointments are waiting.
Breakfast is getting cold.
It is easy to assume they are being difficult.
But in most cases, something else is happening.
Dementia affects how they function. Tasks that once required no thought now require a lot more processing.
The Three-Strike Rule
If you have tried the same approach three times and it is still not working, give yourself permission to change strategies.
Three attempts. Then pivot.
Let's say that your loved one is having a hard time putting on clothes.
Your first strategy is to try laying the clothes out in order, with the first item on top.
Try that up to three times.
If they still cannot follow through, switch strategies.
Strategy 2 can be breaking down the task into small steps.
Instead of “get dressed,” guide one step at a time.
“Let’s put on your shirt.”
Pause.
“Now your arm goes here.”
Try that up to three times. If it's still not working, switch strategies again.
Some people do better with visual cues. Strategy 3 can be modeling the action slowly. Let them mirror you.
Try that up to three times. If it still is not working, switch strategies. Each strategy gets its own three tries.
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It's also important to remember that a strategy that worked last week may fail today. Another strategy that failed yesterday may work later.
The goal is to find the approach that matches your loved one’s situation in that moment.
The Three-Strike Rule turns that mental juggling into a system. It gives you a plan when you are tired and running out of patience.
It also reminds caregivers of something important.
If a strategy is not working, it does not mean you failed. It just means it is time to try a different tool.
And in dementia care, flexibility is one of the most powerful tools you have.
As the only nonprofit agency in California offering home care services, we are dedicated to providing compassionate affordable in-home care.
Our dedicated care professional can help you think through your options and explain what types of support may be appropriate based on your specific needs.
All caregivers undergo thorough background checks and training with certification.
Our rates are lower than other providers thanks to partnerships, donations, grants, and revenue from our cleaning program.
Our caregivers can assist with personal care, shopping, cooking, transportation, housekeeping, and case management.
We proudly serve Riverside County, CA, San Diego County, CA, San Bernardino County, CA, Orange County, CA, Imperial County, CA, and Phoenix, AZ. For more information, contact us at 888-336-8322 or send an email to info@elderloveusa.org
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