“I Want to Go Home”: Why People With Dementia Say It and 8 Caregiver Moves That Actually Help

If you care for someone living with dementia, you have probably heard the phrase “I want to go home,” even when you are standing in their living room. It is one of the most common and distressing moments for families.  The good news is that you can respond in ways that lower anxiety, build trust, and keep everyone safer. Below is a practical guide for older adults and family caregivers, based on guidance from dementia organizations and experts.

What “I want to go home” usually means

For many people with dementia, “home” is less a street address and more a feeling of comfort, safety, and routine. The person may be thinking of a childhood house or a time when life felt simpler.  Requests to “go home” often rise with stress, fatigue, pain, boredom, or confusion about time and place.  Late afternoon and evening can be tougher because of sundowning, when symptoms worsen as daylight fades.  Recognizing the feeling behind the words helps you respond with empathy rather than correction.

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What To Do Validate first.  Meet the emotion before the logic. Try gentle, reassuring lines like, “You miss home. Tell me what you loved about it,” or “You are safe here and I am with you.” Avoid arguing about where you are. “You miss home. Tell me what you loved most about it.” “I hear you. It feels strange here sometimes. You are safe and I am with you.” “That sounds important. Help me understand what home means to you.”

Reassure with simple facts. 

Short, calm statements work best. “We are staying here tonight. I will make some tea.” Consistency helps reduce fear. “We are staying here tonight. I will make some tea.” “It is evening now. We will rest, then talk in the morning.” “Your room is ready and your favorite blanket is here.”

Check for unmet needs.  Hunger, thirst, pain, the need to use the bathroom, feeling too hot or too cold, and medication timing can all trigger restlessness. A quick comfort check can prevent escalation. “Are you comfortable or do you need the bathroom?” “Would some water or a snack help right now?” “Is anything hurting? I can help.”

Redirect with purpose.  Offer a small activity that matches their interests. Fold towels, water plants, look at a photo album, listen to favorite music, take a short walk, or ride along for a brief “scenic drive” that ends back home. Purposeful tasks soothe and anchor attention. “Before we decide, can you help me fold these towels?” “Let’s water the plants and then look at the sunset.” “I found your photo album. Will you tell me about these pictures?” “How about a short walk together, then we will check in again.”

Use reminiscence.  Invite stories.  Connecting to positive memories often reduces the urge to “leave.” “What did your kitchen smell like on Sundays?” “Who lived on your street when you were little?” “What music did you dance to back then? Want to hear a song now?”

Create a “going home” plan that gently pauses time.  Try, “The buses are not running right now. Let’s have dinner first,” or “We can go after we call to check the schedule.” Then redirect to something soothing. “We will call to check the schedule after we finish this tea.” “It looks like rain. We will go in the morning when it is dry.”

Make the current place feel more like home. Familiarity can lower anxiety. Add family photos, a favorite blanket or quilt, familiar scents, and a simple daily routine. Use clear signs for the bathroom and bedroom, large clocks and calendars, and good lighting in the late afternoon. Reduce background noise and clutter that can feel overwhelming.

Speak to your health provider. Frequent requests to “go home” can signal treatable problems like pain, infection, medication side effects, constipation, poor sleep, or dehydration. Share patterns with your loved one's primary care clinician.

Don't Forget This

Caregiving is demanding, and your well-being matters too. Breathe, hydrate, and take short breaks when you can. Ask a friend or family member to spell you for an hour. You are not alone. With empathy, simple language, and a few prepared responses, you can turn a distressing moment into one of reassurance and connection.