How Self-Awareness Can Help Manage an Older Adult’s Aggression

Outbursts from and older adult you are caring for can feel personal and emotionally draining, even when you know deep down they are not about you. Staying calm is the usually the first and obvious advice given to caregivers during episodes of shouting, insults, or physical aggression, but that is often easier said than done. So how exactly can caregivers start to stay calm in a high stress moment? One way to do this is learning the skill of self-awareness.

The Role of Self-Awareness

Self-awareness means being in tune with your own emotions and understanding what triggers them.

In caregiving, it helps you stay grounded and respond thoughtfully instead of reacting out of frustration or exhaustion. It doesn’t mean suppressing your feelings, it means understanding them. You can start by identifying your triggers. Think about moments that upset you most. Is it when your loved one refuses help, criticizes your efforts, or acts ungrateful? Ask yourself:

• “What exactly about this moment makes me feel angry or hurt?”
  

• “Do I feel like my abilities or identity as a caregiver are being questioned?”
  

• “Am I holding myself to unrealistic expectations?”
  

This does a couple of things: 1. Helps you regulate your emotions.

When you understand what triggers your anger or frustration, you can prepare yourself before the situation escalates. That awareness gives you a moment of control, allowing you to pause and choose your response. 2. Strengthens empathy and understanding.

Aggressive behavior often has an underlying cause such as pain, confusion, medication side effects, or fear. When you’re self-aware, it’s easier to recognize that the aggression is not personal. You can see the person as someone who is struggling, not attacking. It helps you shift your mindset from “They’re attacking me” to “They must be feeling something painful right now.” 3. It can help lower stress and prevent burnout.

Self-awareness also includes recognizing when you’re becoming overwhelmed. It involves paying attention to the physical signs of stress like tense shoulders, shallow breathing, or fatigue. When you notice these early, you can respond with stress-relief methods such as deep breathing, taking a short break, or asking for support.

4. Helps you use other de-escalation strategies.

When you’re aware of your own emotions, understand why the person may be aggressive, and actively work to relieve your stress, it becomes easier to use other calming strategies. You’re more likely to listen carefully, speak gently, and observe their needs such as checking if medication, hunger, or discomfort might be contributing to their behavior.

Different Forms of Aggression It’s important to remember that aggression can take many forms and occur at different levels of intensity. It might be physical, such as hitting or throwing objects, or verbal, such as shouting, name-calling, or threats.

Aggression can also be sexual in nature, or passive, showing up as silent treatment, sarcasm, or hurtful remarks. When caring for someone who is physically aggressive, your safety must come first. Look around and remove anything that could be used as a weapon, and make sure you always have a clear path to exit the room if needed. Unless it’s absolutely necessary, avoid moving too close or trying to restrain the person, as this can increase the risk of harm or escalate the situation.

If you are a professional caregiver, notify your supervisor or contact social services when necessary. Finally, remember that caregiving is challenging, and asking for help is a sign of strength, not failure. If the person you’re caring for becomes too aggressive to manage safely, talk to your supervisor or care coordinator. The individual may need support from a caregiver with specialized training in handling aggressive behavior.

---

This article was made by  Elder Love USA. As the only nonprofit agency in California offering home care services, we are dedicated to providing compassionate affordable in-home care.  All caregivers undergo thorough background checks and training with certification.  Our rates are lower than other providers thanks to partnerships, donations, grants, and revenue from our cleaning program.  Our caregivers can assist with personal care, shopping, cooking, transportation, housekeeping, and case management.  We proudly serve Riverside County, CA, San Diego County, CA, San Bernardino County, CA, Orange County, CA, Imperial County, CA, and Phoenix, AZ. 

If you’d like to learn more about how our services can benefit you or your loved one, contact us today.

Learn More